Wait, Was I Being Rude?

"Surprise! You're being rude." Ever had that happen? You say something you think is totally basic, only to have an adult look at you like you just started a fire. It's frustrating. Knowing what to say—and exactly how to say it—can feel like trying to solve a complex puzzle where the pieces keep changing.

If you feel misunderstood, you aren't alone. I went through it as a teen, and honestly, it still happens today. Looking back from an adult perspective, I've realized that a huge part of growing up is simply learning the "code" of communication. Speech is our primary tool for showing honor. However, it's tricky because we often "copy-paste" the communication styles of the people around us—even when those models are flawed. My own son once called me out: "Mum, you ask why I talk like that, but you do the same thing!" Guilty as charged.

So, how do we actually get better at this? How do we use our words to show respect without feeling like we're losing our own voice?

1. It Starts in the "Heart-Drive"

What comes out of your mouth is usually just a reflection of what's stored in your heart. Luke 6:45 reminds us: "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart... for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."

Our hearts are shaped by our thoughts, and our thoughts are shaped by what we consume—what we listen to, watch, and scroll through. If you want to change the output, you have to check the input. Philippians 4:8 gives us the ultimate "filter" for our thoughts: think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, and lovely.

2. Guard the Gate

Sometimes, the best way to be respectful is to pause. Proverbs 21:23 says: "Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity." Before you hit "send" or snap back a reply, ask yourself: Is this going to bring peace or "calamity"? Guarding your tongue isn't about being silenced; it's about being in control.

3. Develop a "Listening Ear"

Respect isn't just about the words you say; it's about how you receive the words of others. Taking feedback is a superpower. Proverbs 25:12 puts it beautifully: "Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is the rebuke of a wise judge to a listening ear." When an elder gives you feedback—even if it's hard to hear—try to see it as "gold" rather than an attack. It's the fastest way to grow.